Bardo
by derperherper
Summary: *Contains spoilers form chapter 40-41 of the manga* Ymir claims she's living for the her own sake now, but is that really the case?


**THIS STORY PROBABLY HAS SPOILERS, SO DON'T READ IT IF YOU DON'T WANT SPOILERS.**

**AN:** This is the first fanfic I have actually written. I usually get a lot of funny ideas, but are mostly too lazy to write them down. But I do love Ymir and Christa, so I finally decided to write something. This was somewhat inspired by a short comic posted on /u/. I really wish I own these two lovely characters or the story or anything, but I don't. :(

* * *

Everything is trembling. The tower, the earth, the walls, the sky...everything! You are falling, and you really hope that Christa is holding onto you as best as she can. Connie and the others aren't a priority, but you need, no have to make sure that Christa is safe. As all the rumbling sounds fade away, you turn and to your assurance, Christa is looking at you with a bright smile. Just before you begin feeling the familiar headache of having to come up with explanations to everyone else's questioning gaze, a sound echo through the ruins. Turning around quickly, you hear more and more sounds of bricks moving. You can hear some explosions and you realize that the titans are still alive. As they are climbing out from the debris, you jump into action hastily without thinking. _Damn these titans, they just won't die!_ To your dismay, a group of titans manage to incapacitate you. As the other titans closing in and begin to devour your titan body, you begin to lose consciousness due to the damage you are sustaining. As the onslaught continues, you hear the sound of screaming from a distance away. _Who could that be?_ As you try to focus and listen, you realize it's Christa's voice. _Oh no, Christa is still not safe._ She's screaming with such intensity, and you can hear the needing, pleading and everything else. You realize that she's crying as well, yelling and screaming something about her real name. _What a silly girl, I already know it._ Fear begins to wash over you. _I need to get up and protect Christa. Things can't end this way yet, not after what happened that night..._ Oh no, now a certain memory is beginning to surface in the back of your mind.

* * *

It was getting late, and you were only going to give Christa a goodnight kiss on her cheek. It was only going to be one kiss and nothing else.

You startled her. But she turned her face side ways to accept that "goodnight" kiss after realizing that it was just you. As the blond closed her eyes shyly, you couldn't help but felt your heart tremble. Christa's cheek was soft and warm, despite the slight quivering. You could even smell the faint scent of her shampoo. As you moved away from her face, you could have sworn the radiating heat was getting even warmer. Before you knew it, you lips made contact with her forehead as well. She nervously looked up, your eyes locked and there was this fire. This fire in her eyes, you weren't really sure if it was real or just a reflection of your own. Somewhat dazed, you closed in for a real kiss as Christa stared back with an enchanted look.

"Chu!"

A small smacking noise was made, surprisingly, from the contact of your lips and the tip of her nose instead.

As Christa looked up in disbelief, you slowly turned around.

"Okay, it's bedtime for me."

_Quick! Escape before she realizes what's going on!_ Unfortunately before you could, her frantic voice stopped you.

"Ymir!"

Turning back slowly, a flustered Christa appeared in your vision.

"Ymir...Why don't you ever kiss me on the lips?!"

Her question made your heart squeeze hard. Your need to keep up a facade was stronger, however.

"Oh...So you are asking for one?"

You struggled to keep a poker face. The smaller girl looked down with a somewhat pained expression, however, and that made things terribly hard for you once again.

"But Ymir, you tried to give me one just now..."

_Oh not that defeated look._ Your heart quickly gave another painful squeeze.

"I just got carried away a little by the mood. That's all. Besides, it's not like we are lovers, you know?"

Looking down to check on the other girl carefully, you hastily tried to finish what you were saying in an attempt to end the conversation.

"I'll give those precious lips of yours to someone you'll love one day."

_This was it!_ Now would be the perfect time for you to end this conversation and esca-

"T...The one I love is y-"

And that thought just got cut off by her sudden outburst. _Ugh!_ You need to stop her before this goes too far! You were most certainly not ready to have this conversation right there and then.

"WE CAN'T."

Quickly stopping her, you could feel that familiar heart wrenching gut sinking feeling returning.

"You and I...We can't be lovers."

Quickly finishing the rest of your sentence, you hoped that this would be the end of this mess.

"Why? Because we are both girls?"

It would be impossible to miss the defeated tone from the smaller girl. You tried to think of an appropriate response without hurting her feeling in a panic. To no avail, you decided that it was better to just let the conversation end here.

"Good night."

If that were the problem, you would have kissed her more times than anyone could count by now. So you put on your best smile for her. Turning your heels and moving away, you hoped that the smaller girl wasn't crying.

* * *

Suddenly you feel that familiar sensation of separating from your titan body. Slowly opening your eyes, a teary and flustered Christa enters your vision. _Oh, thank goodness she's safe and sound._ Registering the muffled sound of Mikasa talking, you realize that the rest of your party is probably safe too. Feeling relief washing over yourself, you realize that Christa is speaking to you.

"-nam...s...Hi...to..a-"

You can tell that the blond is trying to hold up her end of the promise. This makes you admire the smaller girl's courage and honesty even more as you try your best to smile at her. Fatigue is starting to wash over you now. You close your eyes as your consciousness starting to sink once again.

_Please live for yourself from now on, my dear Historia._


End file.
